Should You Try To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

a woman sitting on the beach thinking of her boyfriendIt can be a very painful experience breaking up with a long-term partner and often it makes us wonder if we’ve done the right thing. If he was the one to finish things then of course we want to know why he is making such an important decision. The natural urge is to also try to get him to take us back if we don’t want to let go of the relationship.

For those who are the ones finishing the relationship, often we will have a feeling deep down that it is the right thing to do. However, if there is a degree of history between you two then the chances are you’ll have at least some degree of a doubt if you have truly made the right decision, especially if there are also some feelings left over for him.

I remember a time back in 2000 when I split up form my long-term ex boyfriend. I was living down in Port Louis at the time, but often my then boyfriend was away on business in a completely different time zone. This was perfectly manageable at first as I also had a very busy life as I was spending most of my time writing for a column on my Windows Vista. I remember the software being particularly buggy and even though I was using windows 2000 XP, it felt like it was in need of an upgrade; like my relationship with Rick (name changed to protect the innocent).

It wasn’t that Rick was a bad boyfriend, he just wasn’t around much. The problem was in fact, that he was really great, but I knew this wasn’t the kind of relationship I was wanting. I was needing my man to be around for me to take me out on weekends, to share my hopes and aspirations and to basically be there for me. As much as I was into Rick, I started to realise that a few very important values of mine were not being met and it didn’t look like that was going to change anytime soon. It was time to0 make a decision.

I wrestled with the idea for quite a while actually, I think it was a couple of months. Ideally, it’s best not to let this kind of indecision go on too long. I was just putting off thinking about the inevitable. When the day finally came to break up with him, it was painful, but I knew it was for the best. For more insight into making important relationship decisions, see this important article here on choices that can make or break your relationship.

After the relationship

Even though I knew it was the right thing to do, I had a deep nagging inside of me, constantly questioning if I had in fact done the right thing. What if Rick and I were supposed to be together? Could we have made it work? Would Rick change his career and settle down with me, for me? All these questions kept swimming around my head, which made me question if I should, in fact, try to get him back.

This situation may be similar to yours, while for others it may be a very different story. However, if you’ve also recently split up with an ex you may have the same or similar questions. My experience is to sit with it, make the most of the time away from him and even take a break from your everyday scenery, even just for a few days if you can. During this time listen to your heart and try not to get caught up in the whirlwind of thoughts and doubts that can bombard you. Here are some more great ideas to help distract yourself after the breakup period in this article.

If you do find that you still want him back then reach out to him and suggest a meet up to see where he’s at with his thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, the separation may have also caused him to doubt if he does actually want to stay in a relationship with you and he may have also moved onto a new one. If you’re having trouble reconciling with him then here is a very helpful four-step plan to get him back.

As for my situation with Rick, I finally came to the decision that it was the right thing to let him go. It’s a funny thing about time, often it will prove you right in the end and I soon found the peace that I had, in fact, made the right decision for myself and for him also as soon after we both met our life partners. Rick and I are still great friends, although we mainly stay in touch via Facebook nowadays.

If you’re struggling with a similar issue then just hang in there. The right decision and direction will present itself sooner or later. If you still need more insight then check out this article at or check out the video below by another well-known dating expert, Matthew Hussey.

Wishing you all the best with your decision. Just take your time and you will come to the right one if you follow your heart.