Tips For A Lasting Relationship
If you’re a woman looking for a relationship that’s going to last, apply these tips to stand you in good stead:
People are all different, and will have different opinions on what is and is not important in a relationship. If something is important to you, but it seems not to be so for the other person, don’t just get angry because they do not see your viewpoint or do not notice the simple gestures that you do that show love on your part, but are not perceived in the same way by your partner.
Communication is so important in a relationship. Just have a conversation about it without making it a big thing and tell them your feelings about it. Only by adult communication can you ensure your relationship is going to last.
Listening is an important aspect of communication! Many people have a hard time actually listening to other people and indeed, their partner’s needs. They hear the words, of course, but they’re just waiting for a good spot to put their words into the air without getting the communication that the other person is trying to put across. This is frighteningly common.
Instead of thinking about what you want to say, try listening to what your partner is saying. Adult relationships will have arguments, but they also have two adults who are honestly trying to solve problems rather than two children who think they’re not being shown respect.
Appreciate the little gestures. Modern movies and storytelling have made it seem as though the big gestures are the most important. They’re not. What’s important is that you enjoy spending moments with your partner, that you have a good time simply doing daily things. Otherwise, you have nothing to do together!
No one is a mind reader. It’s easy to get caught up on all the reasons why your partner “should” have known something or done something. The fact is, though, they didn’t, and they’re only human. Instead of getting angry about it, again, just ask them about it and you may find a good reason why they did not do it.
Don’t go into a relationship thinking you’ll change your partner into your idealistic version of Prince Charming. It’s true that people can evolve over time. And it’s also true that people often change in response to their partner. But if you depend on that to happen, then you’re already planning for a potentially relationship ending situation.
Plain and simple, don’t presume they’re going to change certain things and qualities about themselves. If you need something to change, tell them openly and honestly. If it is something that they are not willing to change, then you need to either accept them as they are or move on.
Leave the past in the past. If you’ve already discussed something with your partner and have reached a solution that is agreeable to you both, there’s no reason to bring it up again. If you feel like you have to bring it up, then the problem wasn’t resolved in, the first place and you’ll need to be honest about that.
Never cut off communication. This is sometimes worded as “never go to bed angry”, but that’s not quite the important part. Sometimes, you do need some time alone, in silence. But if that’s the case, don’t just stop talking and wait for them to figure out what they “should” know. Giving someone the silent treatment or storming off and refusing to speak about the issue will only cause resentment and make the situation worse.
If you need some space, then it is perfectly okay to tell them so, but let them know that you will both talk about the issue once you have cooled down.
Try to be the bigger person and let things go wherever possible. People are going to have difficulties in life and their relationship; that is inevitable. There’s nothing that can change that, and there’s no reason you shouldn’t deal with it in whatever way works for you. But you do need to work to resolve problems. Otherwise, you hold on to so many upsets that it’s just impossible to have a healthy conversation or relationship moving forward.
If things don’t work out, it’s not necessarily anyone’s “fault”. Relationships are partnerships, two people working together on a shared project. Sometimes, it turns out that those two people aren’t really suited to be working together.
Sometimes, two (or three, or however many people you have a romantic relationship with) people just don’t have a shared vision of what they’re working towards. Grieve as you need, but don’t take all the blame. If there was something about the situation you’d like to change, then work on improving it. But don’t presume that you’re simply a failure in relationships or that there is something wrong with you.
The fact is that most relationships do not make it. Firstly, you need to find the right person to have a relationship with, who will be compatible for you and gel well with your view of the world. Secondly, even when we do find the right person, we do still need to put in consistent effort to make sure that the relationship will endure long term and bring happiness to the both of you.
For more relationship tips, visit the American Dating Society www.asnamnat.org